so I’ve finally done it. I’ve finally stepped over a hurdle thats plagued me for as long as I can remember. its taken me so many years, but I’ve finally had the courage to completely disappear and force myself into complete solitude. I guess the main reason I held off for so long was because I felt bad on people. I don’t like to be abandoned, so I didn’t want to abandon anyone else
but that all changed when my mother died in november of last year. because I found that despite me being who I am, doing what I’ve done for people, putting others before myself. not a single person was there for me when I lost the last remaining member of my family, and arguably the most important
I’m not salty. I was, but not anymore. I’m thankful because it showed me that I don’t owe anyone anything, and not a single soul in my life had the right to an opinion on any choices I may make
so here I am, about four or five months later. I haven’t socialised with a single person. I’ve been completely alone. I’ve been immersed in my projects, hobbies, things I love to do. and guess what? I’m more content than I’ve ever been in my entire life. and the deeper into solitude I go, the more content I become
I didn't actually conflate anything tho?