be me
go to Tesco for bread and Monster
standing in checkout queue behind ancient lady, must be 300 years old
looks like a crumpled doily with rage issues
starts small talk with cashier, Asian guy, seems normal at first
suddenly goes full Brexit Final Boss
“Well, now that Reform’s won, we can finally send all the foreigners back”
cashier.exe has stopped responding
entire queue goes silent
but then, some guy near the crisps starts clapping
then more people start clapping
manager claps
baby in trolley claps
old lady turns and gives a little bow like she’s just won the Hunger Games
automatic doors fly open
a single Spitfire does a low pass over the car park
someone starts blasting Rule Britannia from their Bluetooth speaker
the bread aisle bursts into spontaneous red, white and blue confetti
Union Jack descends from the ceiling
guy in a bulldog costume salutes
cashier still hasn’t blinked, probably disassociating into the astral plane
old lady finishes her payment with exact change, leaves with a cart full of digestive biscuits
no one knows where the Spitfire came from
manager looks directly at me and whispers “history is watching”
I just wanted bread