be me 27 YO fat fuck with long untidy hair and stubble that is too long to be presentable
Job interview at 1:00PM
Arrive 17 minutes late
Receptionist tells the manager that I've finally arrived
Hear the manager say "Jesus Christ"
Go in to the meeting room and sit on some awful chair that has zero back support so every time I sit back I'm leeeeeaaanning waaayyy fucking back like I'm slouching
Answer some questions with apparently too much information as the manager is not attempting to hide her boredom
She looks into the corner of the room and stares for 3 seconds at least two times
Actually turn around while she was busy writing to see what she was looking at
Thinking there is a clock there that she is pretending to check
There's nothing
Drunkenly stumble my way through answering their questions with that stupid STAR method.
Repeat certain positives about my previous work for every other question
Woman has some form stapled to my CV with large boxes to make notes in
Doesn't write ANYTHING in most of those boxes
Stumble over my words, fail to recall some words, miss pronounce and make up others
Pretty sure I cleared my throat without properly covering my mouth with my hand
The other person in the interview who did the position that I'm applying for seemed to somewhat like me
Praise one work place who used special cardboard boxes and the cleaner to dispose of GDPR paperwork over another workplace that used custom made "fancy bins" to do the same job
Tried to talk to him to curry favour but hardly had anything to say
Make one joke about a previous job that gets a laugh
As I'm being led back to the lift, the manager says something like "yes well thanks for coming and I hope you come back soon" as opposed to saying something like "I think you're a very strong candidate"
On Thursday they'll tell me when my start date is