I got to work today and this was on my desk

What the fuck is this?

it means you aren't a valued member of the community.

Pretty sure cutting your arm off is a better reward than that

I genuinely fucking hate HR. Getting rid of 90% of HR employees would unironically fix the economy.

That is a tootsie toll not a lifesaver

paperclip for documents
rubber band for your hair
other shit for calories

I would genuinely start applying for other jobs if this happened to me.

Looks like you've been targeted by occult witchcraft.
It doesnt look malicious, but then they never do.

They could just give more money but why would kikes do that?

That’s your insurance provider’s mental health coverage.

Pic unrelated

mcgyver would build a weapon from this and kill HR

Take the rubber band and attach it to the paper clips and the match, then make it fuck the lifesaver.
Put on desk and smile whenever anyone walks by

Gives you a bag of trash

A crow would give you a better gift. At least it'd be shiny.

Some vapid HR whore bs similar to corporate wagie dance
youtu.be/4JsgrXyBZO0

American wagie culture is too weird and soul-crushing.

holy fuck sex

Starburst

That's a Lifesaver...

totally different ears

There's supposed to be a starburst and a tootsie roll in the bag too.

it's purely vaginal. The estrogen just reeks off of these little "gift" bag.

This can't be real

you think thats bad? you should have seen how it looked walking into work at an amazon warehouse in canada during pride month

Get the rubber band stretched between your thumb and index finger, use it as a catapult.
Bend the paperclip into a suitable shape. Aim at HR.
If you were really inclined, you could probably do something with the sugary crap and the match to have some kind of miniature napalm effect.

(I bet this post is illegal in bongland)

it does say it was done surgically, but still I find it quite hard to believe. probably fake

$1000 for being 'right on the money'

you're a white male, goy

i hate this country so much still

isnt this pic years old

Did he also surgically implanted ten billion freckles on his face. This has to be fake

Peepee for the poo
Poopoo for the pee
And everybody clapped
When i cumfart on thee

Somebody noticed you look depressed as fuck

My response:
I want cocaine not a pixie stick
I want extacy tablets not a polo mint
I was to touch your tootsie

Please include a freshly rolled joint instead of a starburst.

Thanks for the gum though.

probably some not so closet closet homo motivational office leader who read books on how to lead or inspire left in there.

In other words, you now have aids.

Women.

Life makes more sense when you realize most office jobs are not real work, but Jew daycare to make sure women don't have kids

Just burn the office building and tell them you're lighting a fire of family and friendship, HR will appreciate it

You misunderstand. "The economy" exists FOR these dynastic parasite families, not vice versa. That's why you'll never fix it via economic means. Only genocide. The rich must perish in fire.

Retarded ideas managers are taught by HR or various training they are sent on. The idea is to show you "care" about the employees. With words that are as empty and meaningless as the candies.

Basically they are treating everyone like they are children.

Literally this

t. Worked at multiple family owned companies. The manager is always related to the owner and hires a poo to do his job while he does nothing all day

Someone at work thinks you are a complete autistic zombie retard. They are trying to bait you into commiting arson.

fatass OP already ate the starburst and tootsie roll before taking the pic

At my work they put little jars in the break room full of $5 worth of candy and have guessing games for who can guess the # pieces. All my coworkers constantly ask me how many I think there are and I always say IDGAF. HR regularly emails me letting me know I haven't submitted my guess yet. It is almost mandatory to participate.

It is always just like 50 peppermint candies or some other bullshit. Why do normies get excited about these humiliation rituals?

MacGyver would know what to do with it.

it means you had a shitty performance review

One of the wage slaves wants to set the place on fire but they don't want to go to jail. They are hoping someone else will do it.

alcohol wipes, to help you prevent catching a sexually transmitted disease off the office toilet seats

You should use the rubber band to launch the paper clip in your eye and then sue

mcguyver would have brought a pipe bomb to this office long before it got this bad

The Germans paid workers to go on overseas vacations. You get a tootsie roll and paper clip :)

those are the same hologram ziploc bags my drug dealer uses

Germans are also taxed double what we are, so there is that.

fpbp
checked, acknowledged and seen

"What the fuck is this?"

Look you ingrate zoomer. That's how Mr ShekelGoldstein thanks you for working extra hard and doing 10h overtime for the 26th week in a row. What do you mean you want to have a 12,000$ cash bonus like this company used to give to boomers 25 years ago? Go back to work you ingrate fuck.

I saved the company over a million dollars. Got a certificate of appreciation. Coworker didn't get one, heh. #winning

even 30 years ago you could smoke in your office

Today: this shit

Is this the guy that posts fake transitions to get trannies depressed looking at it and an hero themselves?

You would cry with happiness

All the candies are hard. Load the slingshot and aim for the eyes or temples.

Strike the match and set her on fire after she's down.

Exactly.
btw upper management got a $500k bonus to show the same sentiment.

That's your bonus for this year

Getting rid of 90% of HR employees would unironically fix the economy.

Only if you remove their influence, even consumption.

Thats what you get while Jeff Bezos spends 100 million to send his whore wife and Katy Perry to space.

class war is all I've ever wanted

These are the type of cheapo gifts HR holes give out to employees. They do this because they serious think it improves workers' moods or something. The cutesy little message confirms it's from a foid.

That's a firehazzard

Simple. Burn the place down. They are begging for it.

it means your boss is not hapy with your performance
can't bully you the usual way because that would be mobbing, but this? this is a nice little git :)))

My employer would fire whoever is handing out matches at work kek.

I notice you already ate the Tootsie Roll you fat fuck.

no, that one is to help roll with the punches. are you too busy sucking dog penis to read, leaf?

It's remarkable how much class war will look like a race war.
Except Marxists won't tell you about the non-working/criminal class, and how they're not workers or proletariats, and that they hate the middle class more than the captains of industry.

Humiliation ritual

There are people that post real women on the trans subreddits to get trannies that do not pass to kill themselves

Had something similar earlier this year.

meeting time

have to listen to production manager and hr waffle on about bullshit as usual

everyone gets given a fun size box of m&ms

it's the company showing us appreciation for all our hard work

are you fucking kidding me.jpg

And then in that same meeting they tell us they've just hired a new HR manager, in addition to the others, not to replace anyone. So we get a $1 box of chocolates, and some worthless bitch gets a new $100k+ job. Which means they'll soon go into penny pinch mode at our expense on the floor.

It's all so tiresome.

Fat makes people all look the same, you never know what’s under those jelly rolls

Woah! 50?!?! Did you guess right?

Some retarded ass woman thought this was somehow important for morale.

Women are memes

The powers that be know that your average NPC actually loves this garbage. Probably some pseud thing about small positives balancing big negatives, idk. Either way it's fucking retarded but works on most of their employees.

My job right after college pulled that shit

Do tech support for a medical software company

Deal with pissy doctors and admins all day

Company "downsizes" its on-site support, so more people are calling in as ever

Four of us are covering for the work of the dozen people that were let go

Goes on for six-months

Finally get new hires in to help cover this workload and things slowdown

Promised a big bonus as a reward for us going above and beyond

It's a $20 cookie tin that said "You did some *sweet* work this year"

Put in my two-week notice and never looked back

Company went under a couple years later and not surprised. My manager was great, but terribly mismanaged at the top.

Nice reddit post, faggot.